at the time of death:
halachic guide
for an onein
by Rabbi Doniel Neustadt
An onein is a blood relative[1] or the spouse[2] of a deceased person who has not yet been buried. During this period of aninus, an onein is required to completely focus on the preparations that are necessary for the burial of his relative. Consequently, he is not permitted to daven, learn Torah or fulfill most of the positive mitzvos that he is otherwise obligated to do. In addition, he is required to observe most - but not all - of the shiva restrictions, even though the actual shiva mourning period does not begin until after the burial takes place. Aninus applies equally to men and women, but not to children under the age of bar/bas mitzvah. What follows are some questions and answers[3] that are frequently asked at this time.
Q: May an onein sit on a chair or a bed?
A: Yes, except when he is eating a meal, in which case he should be sitting on the floor or on a low chair.
Q: May an onein take a shower, cut his nails, get a haircut or put on perfume or makeup?
A: In general, all of those activities are forbidden for an onein. Under extenuating circumstances, a rabbi should be consulted.
Q: May an onein wear leather shoes?
A: Yes.
Q: Are there any food restrictions during aninus?
A: An onein may eat and drink all foods except meat and wine. When eating a meal, he should do so in a makeshift manner, without a table and without sitting on a regular chair.
Q: Does a mourner wash his hands before eating bread?
A: He washes his hands but does not recite al netillas yadayim. He also omits hamotzi or any other brachah rishonah before eating and birkas hamazon or any other bracha acharonah after eating.
Q: May an onein recite tehillim?
A: If he is the shomer (the individual designated to guard the coffin) then he may. Otherwise he should not.
Q: Do the halachos of aninus apply on Shabbos or Yom Tov?
A: Publicly, aninus does not take place on Shabbos or Yom Tov. An onein may, therefore, go to shul and daven and fulfill all of the Shabbos and Yom Tov mitzvos that apply. Privately, however, some aninus restrictions, such as engaging in marital relations or washing himself with hot water, remain. Some poskim hold that Torah study is restricted on Shabbos as well, while others are more lenient. On Yom Tov, however, all agree that he may study Torah.
Q: Does aninus apply on Chol Hamoed?
A: Yes. An onein, therefore, does not have to eat in the Sukkah during Chol Hamoed.
Q: Does an out-of-town relative who will not be attending the funeral and who is not at all involved in the burial process have the status of an onein?
A: Generally, he does not. Still, since there are many details involved, a rabbi should be consulted for each individual situation.
Q: Does an onein light the Chanukah candles?
A: He should ask his wife or another household member to light on his behalf. If he lives alone and has no one else to light for him, he should light himself but without reciting the blessings.
Q: Does an onein put on tzitzis or tefillin?
A: An onein may wear a tallis katan, but he does not put on a tallis gadol or tefillin.
Q: Does an onein need to make up any tefillos that he may have missed while he was in a state of aninus?
A: Generally not. If, however, the burial is finished before the end of zman tefillah, he should daven at that time.
Q: May an onein recite tefillas haderech?
A: Yes.
Q: Is it permitted for a son who is an onein to go to shul and recite Kaddish for his father or mother?
A: If he has extra time and he is not actively busy with the burial, it is permitted, but not required, for an onein son to go to shul and say Kaddish over his parents. [In shul, the onein is not counted as part of the minyan, nor may he receive an aliyah.]
Q: After using the bathroom, does an onein recite asher yatzar?
A: No. He is however, required, to wash his hands. Similarly, he is required to wash his hands in the morning when he wakes up or after any other activity that normally requires hand washing.
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[1] Father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister (married or single).
[2] At the time of death; there is no aninus if they were previously divorced. A married but separated couple should consult a Rabbi.
[3] Following Ashkenazic rulings and customs.
Q: May an onein sit on a chair or a bed?
A: Yes, except when he is eating a meal, in which case he should be sitting on the floor or on a low chair.
Q: May an onein take a shower, cut his nails, get a haircut or put on perfume or makeup?
A: In general, all of those activities are forbidden for an onein. Under extenuating circumstances, a rabbi should be consulted.
Q: May an onein wear leather shoes?
A: Yes.
Q: Are there any food restrictions during aninus?
A: An onein may eat and drink all foods except meat and wine. When eating a meal, he should do so in a makeshift manner, without a table and without sitting on a regular chair.
Q: Does a mourner wash his hands before eating bread?
A: He washes his hands but does not recite al netillas yadayim. He also omits hamotzi or any other brachah rishonah before eating and birkas hamazon or any other bracha acharonah after eating.
Q: May an onein recite tehillim?
A: If he is the shomer (the individual designated to guard the coffin) then he may. Otherwise he should not.
Q: Do the halachos of aninus apply on Shabbos or Yom Tov?
A: Publicly, aninus does not take place on Shabbos or Yom Tov. An onein may, therefore, go to shul and daven and fulfill all of the Shabbos and Yom Tov mitzvos that apply. Privately, however, some aninus restrictions, such as engaging in marital relations or washing himself with hot water, remain. Some poskim hold that Torah study is restricted on Shabbos as well, while others are more lenient. On Yom Tov, however, all agree that he may study Torah.
Q: Does aninus apply on Chol Hamoed?
A: Yes. An onein, therefore, does not have to eat in the Sukkah during Chol Hamoed.
Q: Does an out-of-town relative who will not be attending the funeral and who is not at all involved in the burial process have the status of an onein?
A: Generally, he does not. Still, since there are many details involved, a rabbi should be consulted for each individual situation.
Q: Does an onein light the Chanukah candles?
A: He should ask his wife or another household member to light on his behalf. If he lives alone and has no one else to light for him, he should light himself but without reciting the blessings.
Q: Does an onein put on tzitzis or tefillin?
A: An onein may wear a tallis katan, but he does not put on a tallis gadol or tefillin.
Q: Does an onein need to make up any tefillos that he may have missed while he was in a state of aninus?
A: Generally not. If, however, the burial is finished before the end of zman tefillah, he should daven at that time.
Q: May an onein recite tefillas haderech?
A: Yes.
Q: Is it permitted for a son who is an onein to go to shul and recite Kaddish for his father or mother?
A: If he has extra time and he is not actively busy with the burial, it is permitted, but not required, for an onein son to go to shul and say Kaddish over his parents. [In shul, the onein is not counted as part of the minyan, nor may he receive an aliyah.]
Q: After using the bathroom, does an onein recite asher yatzar?
A: No. He is however, required, to wash his hands. Similarly, he is required to wash his hands in the morning when he wakes up or after any other activity that normally requires hand washing.
-----
[1] Father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister (married or single).
[2] At the time of death; there is no aninus if they were previously divorced. A married but separated couple should consult a Rabbi.
[3] Following Ashkenazic rulings and customs.